Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
