just tell him i said nine months
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
