his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
