Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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