this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
