The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
