He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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