Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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