Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
