Your mouth is God's brothel.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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