ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My vagina is very pro this idea
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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