This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
