is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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