I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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