I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Mom said you looked used
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
