i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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