His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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