sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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