dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
