he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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