Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will be naked everywhere
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
