I think im going to throw up on grandma
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
