You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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