So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
