addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
