I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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