i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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