he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
