I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Found your dick twin last night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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