I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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