I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
