someone get that fucking seahorse.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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