and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
