Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
