i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
