I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
