you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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