the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
