i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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