Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
