I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
