First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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