And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
