I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
