Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize