I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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