dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
