Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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