Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
