yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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