Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
