1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
