What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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