just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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