Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
His hands were made for my vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
