he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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