I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
