i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
