u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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