It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
