nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
