I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
