so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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