wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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