she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
