so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
