i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize