Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
